Have Dating Apps Made It Easier to Become an Incel?

Summary

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Dating apps are not the root cause—they just made an existing masculinity crisis visible.
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Boys are emotionally, socially, and economically falling behind, with no role models or support.
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Women are evolving faster—and men aren’t catching up.
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The result? A “mating gap” where average men are excluded and elite men are disincentivized.
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The fix: redefine masculinity, bring back real communities, and support boys early.
This post is a summarized breakdown of insights shared in the video “Masculinity Debate: Are Dating Apps Creating Incels?! Lonely Men Are More Dangerous Than Ever!” from The Diary of a CEO. The episode features author and professor Scott Galloway and behavioral scientist Logan Ury, discussing the rise of male loneliness, the impact of dating apps, and the structural collapse of modern masculinity. All key ideas and data points in this post are drawn from the conversation presented in that interview.

 Masculinity Crisis: Dating Apps Didn’t Break Men—Society Did

“We are evolving a new species of asexual, asocial male.”
— Scott Galloway
Let’s be clear.
Dating apps aren’t causing men to become incels.
They’re just showing us what’s already broken.

The Childhood Gap: Why Boys Are Falling Behind Early

Before dating apps, before adult relationships—
there’s childhood.
And boys are losing ground fast:
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40% increase in boys aged 16–24 who are neither working nor studying
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25% of U.S. boys live without a father—and that number keeps growing
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Boys are twice as likely to be suspended, even for the same behavior as girls
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In schools, only 1 in 4 teachers is male. Boys don’t see themselves in authority figures.
Meanwhile…
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Girls are thriving. They're more likely to graduate, earn higher GPAs, and enter college.
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Young women now out-earn young men in many urban areas.
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But culturally, women still expect to “date up” — economically and socially.
And that mismatch is what sets the stage for a crisis not just in education or employment— but in romantic connection, identity, and purpose.

The Dating App Dilemma: A Mirror, Not a Monster

So how do dating apps fit into this?
They expose the new reality:
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Most women want men who are taller, richer, kinder, and more emotionally available
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Most men are none of those things
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As a result, women compete for the same small group of high-status men
This leaves:
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The same men date all the women
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Top 10% of men overwhelmed with options
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The rest—ignored, frustrated, and increasingly angry
“It’s not that there are no men. There are just no men they want to date.”
Tinder isn't evil.
But its algorithms reward only the already exceptional.
Women filter by height, income, education—sometimes without realizing it.
And just like that, 80% of men disappear before they even get seen.

The Hypergamy Trap: Expectations vs. Supply

Hypergamy = women prefer to date “across or up” in status.
In the past, that was easy—men had more resources.
Today?
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Women are outperforming men in education and early career stages
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But they still prefer men who earn more, not less
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That’s not judgmental—it’s evolutionary and cultural
What does this create?
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A mating mismatch
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Women say: “Where are the good men?”
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Men say: “Why even try?”

The Emotional Mismatch: What Women Want, What Men Were Taught

Here’s the paradox:
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Women want kind, emotionally intelligent men
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But men were raised to be stoic providers, not vulnerable supporters
Even worse?
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When men do open up, they often feel punished for it
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Many women are emotionally fluent—like grad school fluent
Most men? Still in third grade
So what happens?
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Women get frustrated: “Why can’t he express himself?”
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Men get shut down: “I tried—and got ghosted.”

The Incubator for Incels: What Happens When Men Opt Out

With no social status, no money, no relationship skills, and no intimacy...
Where do men go?
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Porn
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Reddit
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Andrew Tate
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Conspiracy culture
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Rage
“There’s nothing more dangerous than a lonely young man.”
— And millions of them are now online.

So, What Actually Works?

We can’t "fix" this with dating tips or political hot takes.
We need structural, cultural, and emotional rewiring.
Here’s what’s working:

1. Men’s Groups

Spaces for men to process emotions, hold each other accountable, and grow together.
Therapy is expensive.
A monthly meetup with 5 good men? Life-changing.

2. Real Community & Mentorship

Bring back “uncles,” coaches, older brothers, neighbors.
Every boy without a dad still needs a man to show him how to be one.

3. Teach Emotional Fitness

Start young. Teach boys:
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It’s okay to feel
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It’s okay to fail
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And it’s okay to ask for help
Emotional intelligence isn’t weakness. It’s survival.

4. Train Rejection Resilience

Ask someone out.
Hear “no.”
Be okay.
Repeat.
The most successful people aren’t the most talented.
They’re just the ones who could handle “no” the longest.

The Redefinition of Masculinity

Let’s be clear:
Modern masculinity isn’t about softening men.
It’s about maturing them.
We need men who can be:
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Strong and kind
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Resilient and emotionally available
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Assertive and respectful
It’s not about “becoming more feminine.”
It’s about becoming fully human.

Final Thought

Dating apps didn’t break men.
They revealed how fragile modern masculinity really is.
If we want healthier relationships, stronger families, and a stable society—
We need to stop blaming women, stop whining about apps, and start building better men.
Because lonely boys become angry men.
And angry men, left alone, become dangerous.